Frustration, Hopelessness, Insomnia, Fatigue, RAGE
As part of trying to raise Awareness for Childhood Cancer, LFCT attempts to explain to individuals what not only the cancer patient goes through, but what their families also go through.
We can try to explain, but nobody can explain it better than an Onco Mom can! We will therefore be running an ongoing page for Onco Parents to write about their emotions; feelings of disbelief, pain, frustration, anger, fatigue, hope, love, laughter and tears.
We hope that by doing this it will be some form of outlet for the parents and also a source of information and inspiration for other Onco Parents…
Letters will be posted just as they are written, so that the true passion and raw emotion comes through…..
This is a photograph of Xuané, one of our Little Fighters. Xuané was diagnosed with an Ependymoma on 10th of February 2010. You can read her story on the LFCT Website.
Below is a letter penned by Xuané’s Mommy, Theresa Nieuwenhuis. Theresa wrote this letter so that others can try to understand the utter frustration and pain that an Onco Parent goes through when their child has cancer.
Frustration, Hopelessness, Insomnia, Fatigue, RAGE…
These are just a few words to sum up one of my colorful days. Sometimes I wonder why, sometimes I doubt myself and sometimes I just cry. Some things I don’t understand but I also think I don’t want to understand them. Just when you thought everything is going good another storm hits and then it calms down and you find yourself again and then it hits again. I’ve done it ALL… operations, scans, radio therapy, chemo therapy, blood tests, blood clots, the untimely hospital admittances, emergency rooms and even blood transfusions, I’ve been through hell and back and I’m still standing!
Yes, you get your bad days, you get your good days but there is nothing on earth stronger than a mother. If you put her down, she will show you a side of her that no one ever knew existed. She will fight back until the bitter end. NO ONE will get between you and your beloved child.
For myself I don’t feel so strong when the shit hits the fan, but when I look back a week later, I can’t believe how well I behaved myself. I reacted and burst into tears where no one can see me, called everyone with bad news and good news but still, I’m here. I’m still fighting with her and for her.
I came to a point where I didn’t feel because I thought that if I cut off that emotion it will not be so hard on me, hahahahaa… that slapped me in the face right between the eyes. So now I’m trying a different approach, I laugh with her, I cry with her, I comfort her, I reassure her that although she is sick and getting more tired and have pain every now and then she will be fine. I will take care of her as long as God lets me and I will love her with all my heart. Of course I threw in… that I will punch someone that hurts her and believe me if it comes to this I WILL DO IT.
So to every onco-mommy, you are one AMAZING being, we have like super powers, because although our hearts are breaking each day we still stand by with every admission, every scan, every consultation, every needle…
Just remember to sometimes take a step back and think about yourself. You are still a woman and might I just add – BEAUTIFUL.Theresa Nieuwenhuis Xuané’s Mommy
Eds Note: Theresa & Xuané, we will walk every step of this journey by your side, to give you a bit of comfort, a shoulder to cry on, advice when we can, and any other assistance we can give that could possibly make the load a little lighter…
You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think…
~ Christopher Robin To Pooh ~
Posted on 9 June, 2014, in Blog, Onco Parents and tagged Child Cancer Awareness, childhood cancer, LFCT, Little Fighters Cancer Trust, Mother's Love, Theresa Nieuwenhuis. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.