Late Night Thoughts of A Mother Whose Child Has Cancer (9)

 Ethan 20140907_141325

 Herewith the latest article as penned by Ethan’s Mom, Gila Jacobs, on her feelings as an Onco Mom in dealing with the daily trials and tribulations of cancer. As originally explained, this article is posted as is to maintain integrity and passion.


7 October 2014

Wikipedia refers to the word “alone” as a state of seclusion or isolation (i.e. lack of contact with people), but my problem is that even though I am surrounded by people, and have contact with them, I sometimes still feel ALONE… lonely even. I know this is a common feeling as I’ve actually heard the term many times before. I just didn’t know exactly what it means until now. So now that I know, I understand.

Things happen to you in your life that places you in a unique situation different to those of the people who you would usually spend your time with. This means that you see things differently; you haven’t had a choice but to change. Your perceptions and outlook is different. You don’t find the same things interesting anymore. You are alone in your metamorphosis.

You see cancer has changed me… I am alone (in my surroundings everyday) in my understanding of this disease and its effects. Only I understand and perceive cancer in the way that I do. And this is my perception: my son had cancerous cells rapidly grow in his leg; we found that cluster early enough. It was removed and the surrounding cells killed with radiation. He went through 16 months of chemotherapy to keep these cells at bay. Trying to retard any re-growth of them.

He now has no actively growing cancer cells, but his chances of these cells re—growing faster than before (or somewhere else) are ironically very high due to the fact that he underwent cancer treatment in the first place. You see one is never truly “cancer free” because your mind is always contemplating the disease returning.

Only those who have survived can understand the “alone” part of all of this. For the mothers of children survivors the “alone” part could potentially drive you crazy… literally. Every sneeze, every flea bite, every runny nose sends you in hyperdrive! It’s a sad fact that this disease will forever have a hold on your life. I foresee myself worrying about recurrence in my son’s body until I draw my last breath. I’m a mother after all aren’t I?

I’m trying to figure out a positive spin to all of this, but it’s really hard for me right now. There’s no cure. There’s ALWAYS a chance for any single one of us that this disease can crop up and destroy our lives. I am however alone with this reality. It’s as if I’m walking around with a tattoo gone wrong and now I’m stuck with it – the only silver lining that no-one can see this ghastly tattoo…

But everyday is a new day…

Every morning I look at my son and say thank you God that I can spend a little more time with him…
Thank you that he looks the same as he did yesterday (and him having so much hair on his head is not just a dream)…
Thank you that we made it through the night with no fevers or rashes or emergency room visits…
Thank you that I can breathe a sigh of relief…

Slowly but surely we laugh more though, we sing out loud again, we splash in the water again, we bob our heads to our favourite song, we don’t cry as often, we relax more.

Slowly… but surely…

My name is Gila Jacobs, my son Ethan is recovering from cancer. My husband and I are recovering from shock, stress, financial burdens due to medical bills and plain and simple exhaustion. This is our story.


About LFCT

This is a blog about CHILDHOOD CANCER and CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS Little Fighters Cancer Trust is a non-profit organisation that offers support and aid to Children with Cancer and their families. When a child is diagnosed with cancer it affects the whole family. One of the parents, usually the mother, must give up their job to care for the child and this creates financial problems for the family. In South Africa especially the majority of these families are not well-to-do; many of them are rural. A diagnosis of cancer can wipe out any family’s finances, let alone a poor family. The costs of special medications, special diets, hospital stays, transport to and from the hospital or clinic and accommodation and food costs for the mother who spends most of the time at her child’s bedside are astronomical. These are the people and problems that fall through the cracks, and these are the people that Little Fighters Cancer Trust has pledged to help in any way possible. LFCT takes a holistic approach to assisting the Children with Cancer and their Families, with the main aim to be the preservation of individual dignity and pride. Little Fighters Cancer Trust also focuses on promotion and advocacy of National Childhood Cancer Awareness in an effort to increase awareness of Early Warning Signs of Childhood Cancer. This would result in earlier diagnosis, giving the Child with Cancer more of a chance at Treatment and Survival. See "About" for more Background info

Posted on 14 October, 2014, in Blog, Onco Parents and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Please help us to Raise Childhood Cancer Awareness by Commenting and Sharing

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

My Name is Chuma

a blog from a Cape Town inner city artist

The Average South African

Food // Travel // Lifestyle

You Are The Cure

Campaign for children with Leukaemia

Knitting Rays of Hope

Spreading Hope...a hat at a time.


Inspired by ordinary people doing extraordinary things

Surviving The Bubble

Jamie Hutchings, Public speaker, leukemia survivor and depression fighter

Sharing my learnings of being a mother

Art of Social Work

Kristina Sargent

fonzandcancer blogging to encourage.

Sharing my journey with you.

%d bloggers like this: