Brief aan ons Engelkind/Letter to our Angel Child


Xuané

Xuané ~ ^Forever 8^

 photo angel_40.gifThis is a letter that Theresa Botha Nieuwenhuis, mother of Xuané posted on the page Bid vir Xuané Nieuwenhuis earlier this week…. Many of you may remember that Xuané got her Angel Wings on Friday 24 October 2014 after a long and hard-fought battle with cancer.

 

My Ergste Droom Word Waar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 December 2014 at 15:54

8 jaar 2 maande en 6 daggies… Dis hoe oud my kindertjie was en vir altyd sal bly…

Ek tel die dae wat jy nie meer hier is nie. Dis al 45 daggies sonder jou en dis nogsteeds bitter eina.

Mamma moes April 2012 hoor dat jy net nog 2 jaar het om te leef maar dit nie geglo nie. Hoe kan my kind weggevat word? Min het ek geweet dat oor 2 jaar en 5 maande sou jy weg wees van ons af.

Die laaste 3 weke van hierdie 5 jaar wat jy siek was, was vir my die seerste en die moeilikste. Ek het in ‘n hospitaal kamer saam jou gesit en het toegekyk hoe jy elke dag agteruit gaan en kon niks daaromtrent doen nie.

Ek moes toekyk hoe swaar dit vir jou is om wakker te word, hoe swaar dit is om asem te haal. Jy was lus vir slap chippies en ek het gaan koop, maar jy’t nie geëet nie. Jy’t geskenke gekry maar nie veel notisie geneem daarvan nie.

Die dag toe die Dokter my inroep en met my praat en vir my sê jou liggaampie is moeg geveg het ‘n stuk van my hart gebreek. Ek het vir haar gevra…My kindertjie gaan nie saam my huis toe nie ne? Sy’t net haar kop geskud en ek het geweet dis tyd om afskeid te neem. Ek het almal gebel en gesê hulle moet kom. Dit was erg vir my. Ek was in ‘n dwaal. Ek kon nie eet nie, ek was te bang om te slaap.

Die 17de Oktober die aand toe jy vas aan die slaap was het ek vir die eerste keer in 5 jaar my Bybel oopgemaak, ‘n stukkie gelees en op my knieë neergesak en in trane het ek gebid dat Liewe Jesus jou moet verlos van hierdie eina en swaarkry. Dit was vir my die heel ergste…om te vra dat Liewe Jesus jou pragkind kom haal met die wete dat ek jou nie weer gaan kan vashou of soentjies uitdeel of versorg… dit was vir my bitter erg Bekkie.

Die 22ste het ek jou huis toe gevat met die wete dat jy dit nie gaan maak nie. Maar jy wou huis toe, in jou bedjie lê. Die volgende dag het Ouma-hulle kom kuier en jy’t vreeslik erg asem gehaal en swaargekry. Die aand was ek so bitter bang om te gaan slaap want ek was bang as ek wakker word is jy alreeds huis toe.

Maar mamma het by jou kom sit op die bed en het ‘n rukkie net vir jou gesit en staar. Ek het jou koppie gevryf en jou my hand op jou hartjie gesit. Ek het vir Pappa gesê jou hartjie klop vreeslik vinnig. Ek het jou ‘n soen op die wang gegee en vir jou gesê rus nou sag my kindjie. Ons sal OK wees. Jy’t vir my gekyk en net jou ogies weer toegemaak. Ek het die volgende oggend wakker geword en toe ek daardie stilte hoor het ek geweet wat wag maar het dit half vermy.

Ek het kombuis toe geloop om vir sussie broodjies te maak vir skool maar het toe besluit om eers te gaan kyk of jy ok is. Mamma het vir ‘n wyle eers by jou kamer deur gestaan voor ek die lig aangesit het, maar het toe al my moed bymekaar geskraap en die lig aangesit. Ek het jou lewelose liggaampie gesien lê en my hart het ‘n paar kloppe gemis. Pappa het kom help en toe moes ons die nuus aan almal oordrae dat jy huis toe is.

Daardie dag was vir my erg maar jou begrafnis…om al daardie mense te sien en weet dit is ons final goodbye. Ek wou net in ‘n hoekie gaan sit het en nie daar uit kom nie.

Ek het vir jou ‘n briefie uit my hart uit geskryf en dit is op jou begrafnis briefie gesit…ek weet jy hoor dit… so hoor mooi wat mamma nou sê:

“Ons liefste engelkind. Jy’t so baie byname gehad… Bekkie, Parra, Pikkewyn, Liefiekind, Spidercup, Roos…Ons harte is leeg en seer maar ons is so bly jy is VRY! Jou onskuldige ogies wat altyd liefde uitgestraal het en daardie onmisbare glimlag met jou kreukelneusie sal vir ewig in ons gedagtes en harte voortleef. Jy is ‘n enorme inspirasie vir duisende mense en al was jy klein, het jy mense geleer om te hoop en te vertrou. Jy is enig in jou sort en niemand sal jou plekkie in ons harte vul nie. Ons is onbeskryflik baie lief vir jou en mis jou giggeltjie elke dag. Soos jy altyd gesê het: Goodnight…Sien julle more…, so sê ons nou vir jou
jou: GOODNIGHT MY SKAT, SIEN JOU EENDAG WEER!”

Mamma mis jou elke dag meer, maar weet jy is op ‘n baie beter plek en Liewe Jesus sal mooi na jou kyk! Lief jou vreeslik baie my kindertjie.

Tot ek jou weer sien… LIEF JOU VIR ALTYD!


Theresa, everyone at Little Fighters Cancer Trust sends you and the family loads of love and strength

 

 photo AngelSpacer2_zps58cc3e83.gif

 

ENGLISH TRANSLATION:

My Worst Nightmare Came True!!!
8 December 2014 at 15:54

8 years 2 months and 6 days… That is how old my child was and will always be…

I am counting the days since you are no longer here. It is already 45 days without you and it is still extremely painful.

Mommy was told in April 2012 that you only had 2 years to live but did not believe it. How can my child be taken from me? Little did I realise that 2 years and 5 months later you would be taken from us.

The last 3 weeks of these 5 years that you were ill were the most heart-sore and the most difficult for me. I sat at your bedside in the hospital day after day, watching you fade more and more each day and I could do nothing about it.

I had to watch how difficult it was for you to wake up; how difficult it was just to breathe. You were craving hot chips and I went to buy them for you but you did not eat them. You got many presents but did not take too much notice of them.

The day that the doctor called me in and told me that your little body was too tired to fight any more made a little piece of my heart break off. I asked her… “My child is not going home with me, Hey?” She just shook her head and I knew it was time to say farewell to you. I phoned everyone and told them they must come. It was bad for me; I was in a stupor; I couldn’t eat, and I was too scared to fall asleep.

On the evening of the 17th October, when you were fast asleep was the first time that I opened my Bible in 5 years. I read a bit and fell to my knees and in tears I prayed that Jesus would free you from the endless pain and suffering. That was the worst for me… to ask that the Lord must come and take my precious child, knowing that I would never again be able to hold you, or smother you with kisses, or take care of you… that was so painful for me, Bekkie.

On the 22nd I took you home, with the knowledge that you were not going to make it, but you wanted to go home, to lie in your own little bed. The next day your grandmother and others came, and you really struggled to breathe. I was so petrified to go to sleep that night because I was scared that you would already be gone when I woke up.

Mommy sat on the bed next to you, and just stared at you for a bit. I rubbed your head and put my hand on your heart; I told Pappa that your heart was beating very fast. I gave you a kiss on the cheek and told you to rest easy now, we will be OK. You looked at me and then closed your eyes again.
I woke up the next morning and hear that silence, and I knew what awaited me, but I half avoided it. I went to the kitchen to make your sister’s sandwiches for school, but then decided to first go and see if you were OK.

Mommy stood for a while at your room door before I out the light on, then gathered all my strength and courage and switched the light on. I saw your lifeless body lying there and my heart missed a couple of beats. Pappa came to help and then we had to let everyone know that you had gone home.

That day was bad for me, but your funeral… to see all those people and to know that it was our final goodbye… I just wanted to go and curl up in a corner somewhere and never come out again.

I wrote you a letter from my heart, and put it on your funeral letter. I know you hear it… so listen nicely what mommy has to say now:

Our Beloved Angel Child, You have had so many nicknames… Bekkie, Parra, Pikkewyn, Liefiekind, Spidercup, Roos… Our hearts are empty and sore, but we are so glad that you are FREE! Your innocent eyes that shone with love… and that unmistakeable smile when you crinkled your nose will live in our thoughts and our hearts forever. You are an enormous inspiration to thousands of people, and even though you were still small, you taught people to hope and to trust. You are unique, and nobody will ever take your place in our hearts. We love you to distraction and miss your little giggle every day. As you always said, “Good Night… See you tomorrow…” so we now say to you “GOOD NIGHT, MY DARLING, SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY!”

Mommy misses you more every day, but knows that you are in a better place and that Jesus will take good care of you. Love you very, very much, my child.

Until I see you again… LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

.(,)
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. . ღღ./.ღღ..
(`*•.¸(`*•.¸(`*•.¸«•ஐ• »¸.•*´)¸.•*´)¸.•*´)
•ஐ• «☆ Love, Light , & Strength ☆» •ஐ•
(,.•*´(¸.•*´ (¸.•*´ «•ஐ•» `*•.¸)`*•.,)`*•.,

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About LFCT

This is a blog about CHILDHOOD CANCER and CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS Little Fighters Cancer Trust is a non-profit organisation that offers support and aid to Children with Cancer and their families. When a child is diagnosed with cancer it affects the whole family. One of the parents, usually the mother, must give up their job to care for the child and this creates financial problems for the family. In South Africa especially the majority of these families are not well-to-do; many of them are rural. A diagnosis of cancer can wipe out any family’s finances, let alone a poor family. The costs of special medications, special diets, hospital stays, transport to and from the hospital or clinic and accommodation and food costs for the mother who spends most of the time at her child’s bedside are astronomical. These are the people and problems that fall through the cracks, and these are the people that Little Fighters Cancer Trust has pledged to help in any way possible. LFCT takes a holistic approach to assisting the Children with Cancer and their Families, with the main aim to be the preservation of individual dignity and pride. Little Fighters Cancer Trust also focuses on promotion and advocacy of National Childhood Cancer Awareness in an effort to increase awareness of Early Warning Signs of Childhood Cancer. This would result in earlier diagnosis, giving the Child with Cancer more of a chance at Treatment and Survival. See "About" for more Background info

Posted on 11 December, 2014, in Onco Parents and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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