Late Night Thoughts of A Mother Whose Child Has Cancer (11)


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Herewith the latest article as penned by Ethan’s Mom, Gila Jacobs, on her feelings as an Onco Mom dealing with the daily trials and tribulations of cancer. As originally explained, this article is posted as is to maintain integrity and passion.

15 January 2015

A year ago we were doing the last few rounds of maintenance chemo with our son, talking about nothing other than finally finishing the cancer treatment plan which disintegrated one a half years of our lives. Being happy about it. We could finally make plans to do things like go on vacation; we are finally able to function as somewhat of a normal family unit. Going places together and not just sending one of us as a representative.

Today, my son is doing well, gaining weight which has not happened for 2 long years!

Picking up his toddler development right where he left off at 14 months old. At 3 years old only starting to talk and interact as an 18 month old would… potty training and growing at a steady pace. This was completely stagnated while on treatment.

He will be starting play school this year as well. At a very small school where he can get some individual attention… we will always have to choose schools wisely and explain his fragile bone area where the cancer was removed as bone density is weaker due to radiation.

We will be explaining his cancer for his entire schooling career so to be sure the teachers and support structure is sufficient for his unique needs. He will have many tests done later in the future to determine fertility, bone density issues and even leg shortening.

And of course the biggest curve-ball of all is that all the various treatment options only but increase your child’s chances of developing secondary malignancy! Not to mention no contact sports, no excessive physical fun like any other growing boy, no climbing trees… basically being “different” and “weaker” than his peers. As if just being a growing child isn’t hard enough!

Why am I rattling all this down?

Because we will be carrying these post-cancer issues with us forever… We are scared parents, and understandably so…

However, there is now this “air of everything is ok” that we walk into all the time.

I have personally found certain friendships and relationships just withering away because we are now seen as fine. This is also okay of course… I can’t expect people to stay sensitive to our feelings forever; everyone has their lives to live.

I am however saying that you cannot just say things about my mothering style and judge my way of mothering and expect no negative reaction from me. I am also saying that if you are invited to my child’s birthday party (a birthday so special because we were not sure he would reach this age) you can at least show up and pretend to be happy to be there!

Or maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way… if you don’t care… then I guess it’s better to not come. Should we then rather break ties and move on in the different directions our lives are leading us? Without unnecessary drama? Should we stop wasting time pretending to care and rather spend time with people who really DO care?

I know one thing I’ve learnt…

is that it is much easier and much more nurturing to my soul and my spirit to spend time with people who actually uplift me and who WANT TO be around me. I have decided that if the cancer status of my family is not something you want to deal with then rather just let me and my family be. Family, friends and acquaintances who could care less… well… I choose to care less about you too.

You see a big lesson I have learnt through this ordeal (one of the many I have learnt) is that life truly is too short!

Life is too short for me to waste time around negative energy…
It’s too short to waste on people not making a positive impact…
It’s too short to spend time creating bad memories.

I’m sorry but I want to try my best to only create happy memories. Bad things will happen yes but why would I willingly offer my time to live through experiences which have no other potential but to make me bitter and sad?

Nobody should be doing this… not in my meager Onco Mom opinion anyway.

So… here’s my new anthem to live by: Take a listen… it’s really worth it.

 

“End Of The Sky” ~ The Lighthouse Family

Would you like to go somewhere unbelievable?
Where the great big blue sky seems to last forever
Cos I feel like I’ll leave it all behind
Living’ in the sunshine, that’s where I’m going
And I don’t think there’s anything here that I’ll be missing, do you?
No, I don’t think there’s anything else to do

So bring on the sunshine
We’re gonna fly to the end of the sky

I’ve got to go cos I ain’t indestructible
And I feel like I’m breaking
Running round for nothing
But I’ll be all right
I’m not a million miles from seeing the daylight
That’s where I’m going

And 1 don’t think there’s anything here that I’ll be missing, do you?
No, I don’t think there’s anything else to do

So bring on the sunshine
We’re gonna fly to the end of the sky

Bring on the sunshine
We’re gonna fly to the end of the sky

My name is Gila Jacobs, my son Ethan is recovering from cancer. My husband and I are recovering from shock, stress, financial burdens due to medical bills and plain and simple exhaustion. This is our story.

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About LFCT

This is a blog about CHILDHOOD CANCER and CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS Little Fighters Cancer Trust is a non-profit organisation that offers support and aid to Children with Cancer and their families. When a child is diagnosed with cancer it affects the whole family. One of the parents, usually the mother, must give up their job to care for the child and this creates financial problems for the family. In South Africa especially the majority of these families are not well-to-do; many of them are rural. A diagnosis of cancer can wipe out any family’s finances, let alone a poor family. The costs of special medications, special diets, hospital stays, transport to and from the hospital or clinic and accommodation and food costs for the mother who spends most of the time at her child’s bedside are astronomical. These are the people and problems that fall through the cracks, and these are the people that Little Fighters Cancer Trust has pledged to help in any way possible. LFCT takes a holistic approach to assisting the Children with Cancer and their Families, with the main aim to be the preservation of individual dignity and pride. Little Fighters Cancer Trust also focuses on promotion and advocacy of National Childhood Cancer Awareness in an effort to increase awareness of Early Warning Signs of Childhood Cancer. This would result in earlier diagnosis, giving the Child with Cancer more of a chance at Treatment and Survival. See "About" for more Background info

Posted on 17 January, 2015, in Blog, Onco Parents and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Reblogged this on Morning Mojo and commented:
    Can totally relate with this mom. #cancersucks

    Like

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