Xuané… a Reason to Smile Part 18

xuane ...a Reason to Smile

Xuané Niewenhuis
17 August 2006 – 24 October 2014
Forever ^8^


a Reason to Smile


Theresa Botha Nieuwenhuis

Juanita du Plessis sings a song “Ek Laat Jou Gaan.” She was Xuané’s favourite singer and this song was also played at her funeral. The words never really made sense to me until the night of 17th October 2014. I knew I had to let her go but I did not know that it was going to be so bitterly sore.

The words touch one’s heartstrings but they say exactly what I wanted to say to her so I asked that this song be played in the church especially for her.

I let you go

“I Let You Go”

(Loose translation for those who do not speak Afrikaans)

A heart that breaks, a tear that rolls, it is the deepest hurt that nobody will understand.
I know it is time, my heart is full and I do not want to let you see me cry
With every heartbeat my soul screams inside of me
I so much want you to stay longer but I set you free, I let you go.
All the tracks to the rainbow call your name; your dreams are all waiting, go and fetch them now
I will be here if you turn around, to hold you up high.
This time I cannot go with you my love; I let you go…
I love you; never forget that. There will be a vacuum here that nobody can fill
I look upwards and I know that you know that you will be safe where I cannot see you
Here I remain; here I must stay. I wipe the tears away and put on a smile…
But I set you free, I let you go…

I had many emotions and cried a lot. I had questions, anger, hurt. Nobody could explain to me why and wherefore. I wanted to distance myself from everyone and everything but it was impossible with Christmas around the corner.

I got up every morning with emptiness in my heart, and it was as though the hole was getting ever bigger with every day that passed. I started to make lists of everything that was needed for Christmas to occupy my mind but every time I caught myself looking at photos and thinking of her.

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Little Fighters Cancer Trust would like to extend a huge thank you to the Niewenhuis family for allowing us to share Xuané’s story and photos, and hope that it will bring Awareness regarding Childhood Cancer to the public in general so that they can get a bit of an idea what battling Childhood Cancer is like – why the Little Fighters Cancer Trust does what it does, why creating Awareness around Childhood Cancer is so important, and enlightenment to other parents.

We will continue with Part 10 of Xuané… a Reason to Smile tomorrow…


About LFCT

This is a blog about CHILDHOOD CANCER and CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS Little Fighters Cancer Trust is a non-profit organisation that offers support and aid to Children with Cancer and their families. When a child is diagnosed with cancer it affects the whole family. One of the parents, usually the mother, must give up their job to care for the child and this creates financial problems for the family. In South Africa especially the majority of these families are not well-to-do; many of them are rural. A diagnosis of cancer can wipe out any family’s finances, let alone a poor family. The costs of special medications, special diets, hospital stays, transport to and from the hospital or clinic and accommodation and food costs for the mother who spends most of the time at her child’s bedside are astronomical. These are the people and problems that fall through the cracks, and these are the people that Little Fighters Cancer Trust has pledged to help in any way possible. LFCT takes a holistic approach to assisting the Children with Cancer and their Families, with the main aim to be the preservation of individual dignity and pride. Little Fighters Cancer Trust also focuses on promotion and advocacy of National Childhood Cancer Awareness in an effort to increase awareness of Early Warning Signs of Childhood Cancer. This would result in earlier diagnosis, giving the Child with Cancer more of a chance at Treatment and Survival. See "About" for more Background info

Posted on 18 September, 2015, in Blog, Onco Parents and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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