Xuané… a Reason to Smile Part 20

xuane ...a Reason to Smile

Xuané Niewenhuis
17 August 2006 – 24 October 2014
Forever ^8^


a Reason to Smile


Theresa Botha Nieuwenhuis

And so I watched everything on Christmas Eve. My husband and I had guests and I greeted them with a smile and tried hard to laugh but it was difficult… But we did it.

Presents were handed out on Christmas Eve and by jingo, Father Christmas’s pants tore again. Everyone screamed with laughter but in my heart I wanted to shout WHY and wanted to run away and scream!!!

Christmas morning I made coffee and ate a rusk, but with tears in my eyes because that little voice calling out “Hey, where’s mine?” was missing.
I did not want to experience this day without her. Everything felt unreal, but we still enjoyed being with family. I think in the end the day was good and better than being alone, but sometimes one also has to confront one’s feelings in order to heal.

New Year came and we watched the fireworks from the balcony and when the clock struck midnight everyone was happy about the New Year and wishes were shared, and all that I could think about was “I am entering a new year without my Bekkieblom.”

I never thought this day would come but it did, and it caught me really badly. I was an emotional wreck and I wanted everyone to be able to see how sore my heart was. I wanted them to hurt too, just so that they could understand…

In early January 2015 we celebrated Mia’s 6th birthday and she got up and came and asked me, “Mommy, Mommy do you think that Jesus would loan sis to us for just one day so that she can come to my party?”

My heart sank into my shoes and I had to think very quickly so that I could tell her in a nice way that her sister would not be coming back. I told her that she cannot come because if Jesus loaned her to us for one day we would not give her back, and He really needed her so that she could watch over all the other sick children and make sure that they were not scared. She was satisfied with this answer and waited anxiously for all her friends to come so that the party could start.

I switched off and decided that I would just forget about everything for one day and just enjoy the day with Mia. She went through just as much as we did; she virtually grew up in hospitals from a young age, as she accompanied us every time that her sister went to hospital. I had lost a child, but she had also lost a sister.

We had a great party that day, but the next day all of those emotions returned… with a vengeance… because how could I want to forget for a whole day? Vengeance would not allow me to do it; it was unacceptable!


Little Fighters Cancer Trust would like to extend a huge thank you to the Niewenhuis family for allowing us to share Xuané’s story and photos, and hope that it will bring Awareness regarding Childhood Cancer to the public in general so that they can get a bit of an idea what battling Childhood Cancer is like – why the Little Fighters Cancer Trust does what it does, why creating Awareness around Childhood Cancer is so important, and enlightenment to other parents.

We will continue with Part 21 of Xuané… a Reason to Smile tomorrow…


About LFCT

This is a blog about CHILDHOOD CANCER and CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS Little Fighters Cancer Trust is a non-profit organisation that offers support and aid to Children with Cancer and their families. When a child is diagnosed with cancer it affects the whole family. One of the parents, usually the mother, must give up their job to care for the child and this creates financial problems for the family. In South Africa especially the majority of these families are not well-to-do; many of them are rural. A diagnosis of cancer can wipe out any family’s finances, let alone a poor family. The costs of special medications, special diets, hospital stays, transport to and from the hospital or clinic and accommodation and food costs for the mother who spends most of the time at her child’s bedside are astronomical. These are the people and problems that fall through the cracks, and these are the people that Little Fighters Cancer Trust has pledged to help in any way possible. LFCT takes a holistic approach to assisting the Children with Cancer and their Families, with the main aim to be the preservation of individual dignity and pride. Little Fighters Cancer Trust also focuses on promotion and advocacy of National Childhood Cancer Awareness in an effort to increase awareness of Early Warning Signs of Childhood Cancer. This would result in earlier diagnosis, giving the Child with Cancer more of a chance at Treatment and Survival. See "About" for more Background info

Posted on 20 September, 2015, in Blog, Onco Parents and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Please help us to Raise Childhood Cancer Awareness by Commenting and Sharing

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

My Name is Chuma

a blog from a Cape Town inner city artist

The Average South African

Food // Travel // Lifestyle

You Are The Cure

Campaign for children with Leukaemia

Knitting Rays of Hope

Spreading Hope...a hat at a time.


Inspired by ordinary people doing extraordinary things

Surviving The Bubble

Jamie Hutchings, Public speaker, leukemia survivor and depression fighter


Sharing my learnings of being a mother

Art of Social Work

Kristina Sargent

fonzandcancer blogging to encourage.

Sharing my journey with you.

%d bloggers like this: